Catholic Bible 101

The following is a memo from satan to his apprentice demons on earth.  Don't ever forget that there is a war going on for your soul all of the time. 1/3 of the angels fell when given the opportunity to serve God.  And since he can't get God, he goes after His children, you and me.  So beware of his traps, some of which are outlined below...

(** Caveat emptor - The devil is a liar, and mixes truth with lies to confuse us humans, so not EVERYTHING he says is to be taken as true....)

Topics include deathbed conversions, saintly intercession, generational curses, the Catholic Church, abortion, the Virgin Mary, daily devotions and atheism, religious pride, love, demonic strategy, Eucharistic Adoration, living forever, noise, sin is fun and lasts forever, curses, the occult, tolerance, pornography, marital strife, science, drugs, confession, gluttony, fantasy, coveting, homosexuality, separation of church and state, the silence of HIS lambs, foolin' around, saintmakers, gossip and slander, greed, Catholic Universities, striking the shepherd, good buddies, keep them busy, depression, POWER, the unholy trinity, progressivism, addictions, the "right to choose", night terrors, old age, the graveyard, watching the news, the poor, becoming successful, feminism vs. femininity, electronics, sloth, syncretism, impatience, Mass confusion, ancillary distractions, false religions,  politics, temptation, sports, the great deception, The war on Christmas,  hellth care, racist and  testing  faith. 

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Devil's letter about Dads 

Help Support This Site by Purchasing More Letters From satan, "Dear Heatemup".

To all of my earthly tempters:  HELL-O

1. Never forget that HE always comes to them at the moment of death, asking them if they love HIM, if they are truly sorry for their sins, and if they forgive their enemies . You must sufficiently torment your subject while you can, so as to prevent any deathbed conversions. A sincere and humble “Yes” to these questions by the dying  humans undoes our work in a nano-second.  We also come to him at the time of his death, to tempt him one last time with everything we've got to make him reject his own salvation.  Make sure you get there first!

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2. If your human gets away and goes to HIM up there, he then becomes equal to the angels, as it says in Luke 20:36 of HIS book. He will then come back to intercede for his family during our later temptations, so it is imperative you don’t let him get away.

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3. While it is true that we get to torment any human’s descendants who hate HIM down to the fourth generation, as it says in Deuteronomy 5:9 of HIS book, it is also true that HE protects the human vermin down to the thousandth generation for those who love HIM, as it says in Deuteronomy 7:9. This doesn’t seem fair--only four generations for us but a thousand for HIM, but we'll take whatever HE gives us.  Never let them know that humans can pray continually for  their ancestors now being purified in purgatory, and that these prayers will not only free their deceased family members from their fiery prison sooner, but they will also relieve their own pain on earth today, as it says in James 5:16.

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4. Always place in your human’s mind that he should never plug into the unlimited power of the Enemy Above’s Church. Make him always think that his own power and his own goodness are enough. Never let him see that the Catholic Church is like an electric dynamo of a gazillion gigawatts of holiness and grace that he can plug himself into for protection. Always make him content with his own power source, which is the equivalent of a rundown AAA battery.  We really do want them thinking that being a "good person" is enough, which is very amusing indeed.  The way it works is this:  The world is like the ocean, and unless they grab onto HIS life preservers, the Sacraments, the Bible, the Rosary, and helping the poorest of the poor, we get to  first torment them on earth, and then we get to drag them under the water to kill them. We are the hungry sharks that create the stormy sea of sin, hate, depression, gluttony, lust, murder, abortion,  and suicide, and we try our best to make the humans fight us in their own personal, tiny, leaky rowboat. If you let them latch onto HIM and HIS Catholic Church, then they get to ride in HIS huge Catholic battleship, and they can then defeat us easily using HIS weapons of the rosary, the sacraments, scripture, and prayer. We want them for our food; HE wants to be their food in the Eucharist.  I really hate that.

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5. Remember, we cannot get HIM, so our game plan is to get HIS children. We so hate the little humans because they are created in HIS image and likeness, after all, rather than mine. And we even get them before they are born, through our wonderful sacrament of abortion.  Unlike our servants Pharaoh and Herod who took out kids after they were born, we now take them out while they are still being knitted by HIM (Psalm 139) in their mother's womb (A mother who kills her own kid is a beautiful thing to us hellish demons!!!!  How angry it must make HIM up above).  We have placed it in the humans' minds that these kids are just blobs of tissue, even though they are human looking, feel joy and pain, suck their thumbs, and are growing.  HIS command to "go forth and multiply" has now become "go forth and murder"!!!!  And even though the humans have ultrasound now which shows all of this to them, most people tend to ignore this science available to them, in favor of politics, personal convenience, and choice (what a wonderful word our Human Deception Committee came up with to deceive the earthly populace!)  Thanks to this great deception and our good buddies in the US Supreme Court, human sacrifice is now more prevalent than ever (The Mayas, Aztecs, and Incas were rank amateurs at this compared to the human populace today)! They don't even suspect that they are killing off the very people who could have solved most of their problems.  In 1982, a woman in Houston aborted her kid, the very human who would have grown up to discover a cure for cancer.  In 1993, a woman in Washington killed her baby, a little girl who would have grown up to become the first woman president of the US.  In Florida, back in 1994, a woman murdered her son, the very son who would have discovered how to make cars run without any oil. One 15 year old girl in Tampa exterminated her child back in 2001, who would have grown up to be the one person that would have saved the world from nuclear war in 2033.  All she could think about was herself, however, and how her "boyfiend", er, I mean, boyfriend, wouldn't love her anymore if she didn't get rid of her baby.  This is a wonderful "choice" that the young girls make in their life - kill an innocent baby for the love of a fornicating boy friend who only "liked" the girl because of the shape of her body.  Fornication + murder, you gotta love it.  No, thanks to us, the humans only worry about saving baby seals and certain whales, and whatever other "endangered species" they can think of. Saving baby humans is not even on most of their radars, except for those very obnoxious and outspoken "pro-lifers", who refuse to shutup after all of these years.  We must stop them, because, after all, these humans will take our places in the heavenly thrones we once occupied, if they continue to obey HIM. They will even judge us one day, according to 1 Corinthians 6:3.

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6. And if you see HER, it's game over.  SHE is the one non-deity human we never could get to, not even once. It's just not fair the way SHE shows up at the last minute in so many of our cases.  HE delegates a lot of the battles we fight to HER, just so HE can humiliate me even more. So make sure you incite hatred and indifference toward HER in all of your humans, even though the Bible says that her soul magnifies the Lord in Luke 1:46 (magnifying HIM is the last thing we want.  He's already too big for us).  Just like a magnifying glass can cause a fire by focusing the sun's rays onto an object, The Son can cast fire upon the earth, as it says in Luke 12:49, by using her spirit-filled soul to magnify HIMSELF, something we don't want.   Rather, we don't want the humans using HER at all, so that they will be cast into our fire in hell instead.  By not accepting HER as their mother, as it says in Revelation 12:17, they will never become HIS brother.  Make sure that they never completely understand Gabriel's greeting to her in Luke 1:28,  "Hail Full of Grace, The Lord IS with you".  This was said before the incarnation, which should be a hint to the humans that she was pure and holy before HE came to live in her for 9 months, but a lot of humans really believe that if SHE had said no to Gabriel, rather than "Be it done to me according to thy will", that HE would have just picked some other girl.  Ha! The word "IS", of course, creates confusion in their minds, like when we got the former president of the US to redefine it for everyone, and he made a lot of them actually believe that it meant something entirely different than its synonyms of subsists, transpires, amounts to, equals, or comprises.  Make the humans think that that particular greeting of Gabriel's really says "was with you", instead of "is with you."  A lot of the humans think that the spirit left HER after the incarnation, which, if they read their bibles, they would discover is not in there anywhere. Otherwise, John the Baptist wouldn't have leaped for joy as a fetus (don't let them catch on that fetuses experience human emotions, like joy and pain) in Elizabeth's womb. This wordsmithing is also very important training for later, when you must make the humans think that when HE said about the Eucharist - "This IS my body"- that he really meant "This SYMBOLIZES my body".  Word-twisting - It's what we do!  And if you do see HER, call me on my hellphone at 1-666-DVOUREM right away so I can make a fast getaway.

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7.  And be sure to keep your subject away from daily devotions, like that rosary thing, the divine mercy (I can hardly say it) meditations, and any fasting or abstaining whatsoever. These things are like weightlifting is to a muscle - It makes them stronger spiritually every time they do them.  We want them weak and helpless, so that the slightest temptation (lust of the eyes, lust of the flesh, & pride of life, from 1 John 2:16) we put before them is too powerful for them to even want to overcome.  You must keep them from strengthening their relationship with HIM and HER through daily devotions and meditations, because we can't approach them in the slightest when they are doing these things.  Suggest to their brains that these things are wimpy, and only people who "don't think for themselves" would do them.  We want all 6 billion people on the planet "thinking for themselves", you know, like we did with Hitler and Stalin.  It's like having everyone drive on the freeway making up their own rules as they drive.  Complete chaos!  We want "freethinkers" everywhere, because "freethinkers" always morph into "Me-thinkers".  Humans believe that thinking for themselves apart from their divinely inspired Church is a virtue, when it actually is a vice.  After all, what does a 2000 year old Church created by HIM that has HIS SPIRIT guiding it always (John 16:13), that has been through the Crucifixion, the Crusades, numerous heresies, the Inquisition, the Reformation, and the French Revolution know, in comparison to their 40 year old minds?  Nothing I tell you, nothing....really!   Also mention to their minds the date; something like, "After all, this is the 21rst Century".  The calendar strategy has worked well for us in each century we have tried it.  It somehow appeals to their pride of being a member of the smartest and most "enlightened" century ever, no matter what the century is, and it makes them want to avoid the appearance of being superstitious and "medieval" (I LOVE THAT WORD!) in their thinking!  This "not being superstitious" strategy has worked very well for us in camouflaging our existence.  No one in erudite company will ever admit that they believe in the existence of demons, because they will be made fun of by the intelligentsia. HE said HIS name is "I AM WHO AM".   I say, "I am who am not"!  And if they don't admit that we even exist, then we have a free "reign" to do whatever.  And reigning is just what I intend to do!  

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11.  A word of caution about the Catholic practice of Eucharistic Adoration...  The Catholics rightfully say that the consecrated piece of bread is the body, blood, soul, and divinity of HIM. However, they can't see the gleaming silver and gold rainbows emanating from it like we can.  The ones who go to Adoration on a regular basis merely take it on faith that it is HIM.  They put into action the words of Paul in 2 Corinthians 5:7, about walking by faith, not by sight.  They leave this Adoration thing peaceful and with a new sense of purpose and resolve to overcome sin because during their hour with HIM, HE spoke to them with silent mind thoughts.  That's the bad news. The good news is that the majority of the Catholics and just about all protestants don't really believe in what they call the Real Presence.  The Real Presence doctrine of HIS Church says that an ordinary piece of bread has become HIS body, blood, soul, and divinity.  In other words, the consecrated host on the altar is HIM. The same body that we had the Romans scourge, the same body that they nailed to the cross, the same body that forgave HIS enemies, is now there in all of its glory for them to adore.  Some of them may say that they believe it, but they certainly aren't banging down the doors of the Blessed Sacrament Chapel to get in.  If the Pope were to show up in their Church, there would be a clamor for tickets to get in and maybe even to catch a glimpse of him or get a blessing from Him. But just let HIM set HIMSELF up in their back room chapels under the appearance of ordinary bread, and hardly anyone shows up.  And Eucharistic adoration is usually for 1 hour a week out of 168 total, which equates to 6 tenths of 1 percent. It's like HE gives them 100 dollars worth of time each week, and they won't even give HIM back 60 cents.  Amazing.  These so-called believers who never go to Adoration are more the "seeing is believing" type that populate most churches nowadays.  Some of the protestant ones even think that to consume HIM in the Eucharist is like cannibalism, which the Roman emperors accused the early Christians of.  Under no circumstances let your human subject read 1 Corinthians 15:44, which tells about the reality of the spiritual body.  And if they do read it, make them think that it says "symbolic" body, which is the word most of the protestants somehow manage to see every time they read about the Eucharist, John 6:53-58 notwithstanding.  To eat HIS flesh and to drink HIS blood is for HIM to abide in them, and them in HIM.  Keep it in their minds that the Eucharist is only symbolic, just like HE said in....oh, wait an eon...HE didn't.  Anyway, keep it in their minds that they must deny that it is HIS real flesh and HIS real blood, and that it is only a memorial of an event long since passed.  That way they eat and drink judgment on themselves, as it says in 1 Corinthians 11:29. YES !  For some strange reason, when people see the words ""do THIS in remembrance of me," they equate that to being symbolism, as if those words negate everything said in John 6:48-58!  That is so great. They truly don't understand that "remember" in the bible means to be physically present, like the good thief on the cross became present with HIM after death, because he said to "REMEMBER ME" in your Kingdom.  For sure, he didn't think that HE would go to heaven and just think about that other guy on the cross!  No, when he said "REMEMBER ME in your Kingdom," he meant and HE fully understood that he wished to be present in heaven with HIM.  The Eucharist is exactly the same...Make them think that to eat HIS body really means to read HIS Word, like the protestant ones teach.  Real Catholics know that, through time and space, they enter into the original Last Supper when they participate in Communion, but most people think it's only a memorial, kind of like a birthday anniversary or something.  And don't let them read the reality of it all in Malachi 1:11 and in 1 Corinthians 10:16,  or else!

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14.  Be sure to place in their mind that there is no end to the fun in sinning.  Our plan for them is similar to the rural property owner who feeds the deer all year long, in preparation for hunting season.  Every day, the deer learn that there is great tasting food in a certain spot in the pasture. For hundreds of days during the year, they come to that same spot to enjoy a delicious free meal.  Then, come November, the hunters are sitting there waiting for the unsuspecting gullible deer, and then it's lights out for the deer.   The humans must never suspect that we are setting the same kind of trap for them with sin.  Just like the deer, they will become addicted to whatever illicit pleasure we allow them.  They will begin to think that they will never die, and that there is no end in sight to the fun of their particular transgression. And then one day we materialize to them in all of our horrible glory.  And when they finally get to see us for the first time, it's another beautiful heart attack.  And once we get them down here, they will suddenly realize that their whole life was made up of spitting on HIS face with their sins, just like the Roman soldiers did.

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16.   See if you can get your human interested in the occult.  We have cleverly repackaged a lot of this under the wonderful term of "new age", the dawning of the "age of aquarius".  A lot of humans really love it when we rename our old tactics with wonderful sounding euphemisms.  Just about every newspaper today carries the horrorscopes, I mean, horoscopes. Many people get hooked on these predictions, in spite of HIS admonition in Deuteronomy 18:10 to avoid them at all costs. HE wants them to trust in HIM completely, and HE really doesn't like it when HIS created ones seek arcane knowledge about the future from fortune tellers.  We have even made a game of this with the wonderful Ouija board, where unsuspecting idiots contact us through the planchette and the board.  They will try to pass it off as static electricity, or someone else pushing on the planchette, but it is really us.  We disguise ourselves as dead humans or friendly angels, but that is only to hook them like a fish. And once we get them hooked, we stay with them for a long time, and our power over their minds and their wills becomes very strong.  Soon, they will become grand habitual sinners, and as a bonus, they will even think that it is all right and good.  It's all part of the Wicked Deception Paul talks about in 2 Thessalonians 2:9-12, you know.  A lot of allegedly "smart" people laugh at and scoff at these occultic practices, saying that they are harmless and not real.  Scorn and derision of people who do believe that these things are real and very harmful are also part of our deceptive practices.  Nobody likes to be laughed at as being somehow "medieval" in their thinking.  However, most people will never even ask the question about why HIS book would warn against practices that are not even real !

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19.  Don't forget to stir up strife between the man and his wife. This is easier than you think, you know. The male tends to make grand, loud, sweeping statements in a commanding kind of voice.  The female will then tend to pick apart whatever he says, syllable by syllable, nuance by nuance. This female pettiness always drives the male ego crazy, and he will do one of two things - Either he will get louder and more commanding, which is what we want, or he will shutup and shuffle off to his man-cave, figuring that discretion is the better part of valor. This will then leave the female confused as to why he doesn't like to talk to her.  This is also good, as shutting off communication between man and wife eventually leads to divorce.  For extra credit, get the female to bring up something bad his parents said  to her 20 years ago, that he has long since forgotten.  This also drives the male ego nuts, having to choose between defending his parents, or agreeing with his wife.  These kind of prize fights are real fun for us to watch - arguing over 20 year old statements that no one else in the entire world cares about, but which has now become a blood feud.  Forgive and forget is not part of this scenario!  And we really have fun if we can get the mother-in-law of one of the spouses to move in.  The child of the mother will automatically assume the role of the child once more, and in many cases be more deferential to the mother than to the spouse that was to be loved, honored, and obeyed.  This causes untold friction in the mind of the spouse, as it is now 2 against 1, instead of equality.  Also, have him ogle beautiful women on TV, and make comments to her about how beautiful "they" are.  Since he never compliments his wife on her looks, she will take this as meaning that he doesn't love her anymore.  Then, put into her mind that she needs to constantly remind him that he doesn't make enough money at his job.  Since being a great provider for his family is one of the main things that comprises the male ego, he will take this as a dig that he is worthless.  The game is on! And speaking of "the game", see if you can get her to interrupt his precious Sunday football game, with the astounding news that she has just saved $3 on her latest grocery bill.  She thinks that is really big news, and wants to share it with her loving hubby. He, of course, thinks that what is happening on his big screen TV is much more important than his loving wife, and will probably growl back at her to be quiet while the game is on. This will hurt her feelings, and should be fertile ground for a fight later on.  If they only knew the grace they are missing out on every time they fail to love, and to show their love.   This is especially true with our 20th Century catalyst for the sexual revolution, artificial birth control. HE wants them trusting totally in HIM, especially when HE is giving them HIS most precious gift, the gift of new life. The husband and wife, on the other hand, prefer to trust in either latex or chemicals, which really makes HIM angry.  This allows us to come in and secretly separate them from each other through divorce down the road.  Additionally, the pill and/or latex allows the single male to have a great time with any funtime female of his choosing, and not suffer any consequences or long term commitment (Of course, we slip in VD occasionally, just for fun, when we let the condom leak or break, but they don't really care.  Only the orgasm is important to them, nothing else).  Using females for male pleasure under the guise of "women's liberation" was a wonderful idea, and it has worked well for us, especially since the Anglican Church back in 1930 said that they agreed with us on the separation of pleasure from procreation, which was definitely not part of HIS "go forth and multiply" plan. Today, only the Catholics seem to be holdouts in forbidding artificial birth control, but that is mainly in the hierarchy, and not practiced in the bedroom.  After all, why listen to an old, boring, celibate Pope, when they can listen to the dynamic and really cool Me!

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22.  At all costs, keep your human away from the confessional.   Appeal to his pride (always my favorite !) and make him think that confession is only for kids, but not for a sophisticated adult like him or her.  Don't let them realize that while they are still alive, they can tap into HIS mercy through this sacrament, but after they drop dead, they have to face HIS justice, which includes us as the torturers a lot of the time.  After he confesses, he is in what is known as "the state of grace", if he has been sincere, humble, and honest with the priest.  We know that venial sins are analogous to him pouring manure on his soul, and mortal sins are like him killing his soul, which is what we always want.  After confession, he is clean as a whistle, since his guilt is removed.  We still get to molest him because of the punishment due his sins, but if he then discovers indulgences, it's all over for us. If he gets a plenary indulgence, then all of the punishment due his forgiven sins is no longer available to us.  If he gets a partial indulgence, then we still get to molest him, but not as much, so keep his mind away from this two - tiered soul-cleansing mechanism of HIM above.   For the humans, going to confession is like removing a stepped-on rusty nail from his foot.   Getting the indulgence is like healing the foot wound left behind, as well as the infection to the rest of his body caused by the rust on the nail.  And remember, the dirtier his soul caused by his own sins, the sooner we get him down here, and the better he tastes to us.  And that is our two-tiered plan for him!

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23. One of my personal favorite methods of getting humans to turn away from HIM is to suggest to their minds to stuff themselves with food, morning, noon, and night.  HE said in Matthew 9:15 that HIS followers would fast after HE was no longer with them.  But thanks to us, hardly any one of them has the will power to even skip one meal, much less go for a day without food.  We have created all-you-can-eat feed trough restaurants for them to gorge themselves at, and we have made the price relatively cheap.  And the 1000 calorie trans-fat burger and fries lunch also gets them hooked. And thanks to our long term plan, they don't even consider that pigging out is sinful.  The term "gluttony" is almost forgotten now.  The great thing is that the more that they eat, the faster they eat it, and the more that they eat at each sitting, the more their stomachs stretch, which in turn means that larger and larger amounts of food will be required at the next meal to fill them.  A true death spiral that takes away years from their life, not to mention the quality of their life.  And like helium going into a balloon, when they  also drink gassy carbonated drinks all day, that stretches out their stomachs even more.  Like cattle fattened for the slaughter, they are preparing themselves to be a delicacy for us "roaring lions who go about devouring souls", and they don't even know it.  And soon, high cholesterol, diabetes, high blood pressure, arthritis, and a whole plethora of other great diseases start to control their lives.  Misery - It's what we do!  It is amazing how they trade in their quality of life for the sake of their taste buds and the feeling of fullness in their stomachs. And the more they look to food to calm their nerves when they are worried and anxious ("stressed" is "desserts" spelled backwards!!), the less they look toward HIM for the resolution of their nervousness, which is exactly what we want - depressed and fat humans who turn to the good things of this world for consolation, rather than to HIM. Our former colleague Raphael the Archangel even spilled the beans (sorry for the pun, I couldn't help myself) in Tobit 12:8 that the efficacy of prayer is improved with fasting, but who reads that book anymore?  After all, eat, drink, and be merry is the message humans believe in today, not some Old Testament story about angels unaware. Watching the humans try to pray without first fasting is as funny as watching a man trying to climb a ladder with his feet securely chained to the floor.  Archbishop Sheen even said once that fasting detaches one from this world, and then prayer reattaches one to the next world.  But, he is long gone, and  no one remembers that quote anymore, thank Me!

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25. One of HIS commandments warns the humans against coveting their neighbor's wife.  As you know, coveting is purely an act of the will, and is not associated with any physical act.  All they have to do is to think about what it would be like to bed down with another's wife, or to dwell on how pretty she is.  This is fairly easy to do these days, with all of the dolled-up women in the workplace.  It is part of man's nature to desire a woman's physical beauty, and when they are in work meetings with her, or working with her on a project, it is second nature for the man to stare at her physical attributes and to lust for her in his mind and heart, especially if his own wife nags him at home, or has cut him off from sex. If you can get them to proceed to the next level with physical touching and suggestive talk, that is even better, but it isn't required for their damnation.  HE said that all a man has to do is to look on a woman with lust to commit adultery with her, and indeed,  that is how we drag a lot of men down here to hell with us.  So encourage this lusty behavior in their minds by suggesting to the women to dress provocatively. That way we get to devour them both down here for their personal "last supper".  HE considers marriage to be a sacrament, a solemn vow taken between a man and a woman that lasts forever, taken invoking HIM as their Lord and master.  When men lust after another's wife, it degrades them, their own spouse, and HIM.  And that is exactly what we want!   Men become our partners in blaspheming HIM.

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26. And don't forget one of our greatest spiritual takeovers - same sex attraction.  We have been very successful lately at implanting these abnormal thoughts in a lot of humans' brains, and the fact that they are so outspoken about how good this is drives the real Christians nuts.  Our victims often claim that this state of life is genetic, even though their parents obviously were not homosexuals, and none of their siblings are either.  It's a great excuse, though, to claim that they were born this way, and therefore, it's OK to commit the sin of Sodom on a regular basis.  We are trying to implant this kind of thinking with the gluttons, with drunkards, with drug users, with fornicators, and with adulterers also, because if they were "born this way and just can't help it", then they have no reason to ever try to quit sinning, which is exactly what we want, and what HE doesn't want.  We even have some protestant churches giving this homosexual "lifestyle" their green light, because in their minds, this is the 21rst century after all, and they want to be enlightened and to be "with it" when it comes to the great modern culture of today, Romans 1:26-27 notwithstanding.  The fact that this way of living is condemned in HIS book of ROMANS should be a hint to them that this modern "lifestyle" was also the depraved culture of the Roman Empire, but most humans are too stupid to make this connection.  That way of life in ancient Rome is what empowered us to take them down hard after a few centuries, and it is exactly what will enable us to demolish this so-called "modern civilization" in the near future.  We were able to empower the Huns and the Visigoths to take down Rome after it was "comfortable" and established in its filthy, secular, & hedonistic lifestyle;  Now we have empowered the Islamic extremists (and the Chinese Communists, but don't tell anyone about this yet.  We like surprises!) to take down America and the rest of decadent western civilization.  The Stalinist purges will seem like a picnic when we start taking down people in those countries who really believe that they are free to do whatever they want, whenever they want, in spite of HIS admonition that they cannot in 1 Peter 2:16.  No, once they turn away from HIM and his rulebook, then we are empowered to do our damnedest, which we always do. This is all part of our great deception, to turn tolerance of vice into a virtue, and to paint those who do not tolerate vice into hateful bigots.  And in the Catholic Church, 80% of the sexual abuse charges against their priests concerned male-on-male attacks.  Most Christians consider this way of life so abhorrent that they can't find love in their hearts for anyone who is a homosexual, and that is great, since they are supposed to love and forgive everyone, like HE did from HIS cross.  The Christian ones who claim to love their neighbor as themselves, which, BTW, HE commanded them to do, hardly ever pray for their homosexual acquaintances or family members. Our victims, the homosexuals, have now set up a straw-man argument that if anyone disagrees with their lifestyle, they therefore hate them.  So you see how delicious this is - One side refuses to love its enemies and to even pray for them, and the other side thinks that people hate them if they disagree with them....What a great thing that is for us, because then we can get both sides down here eventually!

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28. And have you noticed lately how we have been successful in making the Christians silent in the face of mounting adversity?  A lot of the so-called Christians now think that it is more important to "not offend anyone" with their "personal" religious views, rather than to boldly proclaim HIS name and HIS glory and HIS teachings, like he commanded them in Mark  13:11.  HE told them that they would be persecuted for their belief in HIM, just like HE was, in John 15:20, and HE even said that they would be blessed for this persecution in  Matthew 5:10-12, but they are such cowards nowadays that they forget what their alleged "Master" told them.  HIS Church is indeed a sleeping giant,  whose members are more concerned about personal comfort and security than they are about proclaiming HIS gospel.  They believe, thanks to us, that it is better to keep silent and to blend in with secular society, than it is to speak up for HIM.  They may slink off to Mass on Sunday, but that's about it for their homage to HIM for the week.  Paul even told them to imitate him in 2 Thessalonians 3:7 & 9, but we have managed to make most Christians, including their Bishops and Cardinals, afraid to speak out, because they will be labeled as intolerant bigots  by our buddies in the media if they do, in spite of HIS command to ALL of HIS followers in Mark 16:15.  We intimidate, and they don't imitate, you see.  We have even incited the homosexuals and the muslims to violence if they become "offended" at what Christians say and believe. However, a few of the Christians do speak out with their words and their deeds, like the pro-lifers who pray in front of abortion clinics,  but most of them are NOT the true successors to the men and women who were eaten alive by the lions in Rome for speaking out against emperor worship.  Rather, they are the "go-along-to-get-along" crowd, who think that it's better to be "nice" than to boldly proclaim HIS gospel like Paul did. And not speaking out in the face of horrible abominations makes them complicit with the abominations.  Paul paid for it with his head, and this scares most Christians into total silence, because they think that a long life without offending anyone is better than a short life which proclaims HIS word no matter what, Mark 8:35 notwithstanding.  And that is great in our eyes - The atheists sue them in court, the media belittles them as intolerant bigots, the homosexuals attack them, the secular "Christians" laugh at them, the muslims kill them, and so the remaining Christians just shutup accordingly.  The persecutions have begun yet again!  Those guys up there who spoke out in Revelation 6:10 must sure be anxious right about now!

29. One of the best ways to get your human down here is to create in his mind the notion that "foolin' around" is fun, normal, and good. Whether it's fornication, adultery, getting drunk, or just staying home with a good porno mag, fooling around is a sure fire (!) way of pulling them away from HIM and down here to us.  HE told them in one of HIS Commandments that adultery was strictly forbidden, but a lot of humans don't really care what Moses said.  In Wisdom 3:16, HE even warns them that the children of adulterers will not come to maturity.  Just ask King David about his first kid with Bathsheeba!  In Matthew 5:28, HE even says that adultery with a woman consists of merely looking on her with a lustful heart, and we have many men, even Christian ones, doing this on a regular basis with our great magazines and internet sites. A lot of humans also commit adultery through divorce and remarriage, which HE said in Luke 16:18 was not to be done.  Adultery is easier to accomplish if we first get the wife to nag her husband on a regular basis; Proverbs 21:9 even warns women about what it is like for a man to live with a nagging wife.  And the single humans don't get a pass either, because of fornication, which is also forbidden in Ephesians 5:5.  In Proverbs 7, HE even warns the humans that a man who lies with a loose woman is like an ox that is unknowingly led to slaughter, and that his liaison will cost him his life. So they have been warned, and they have no excuses.  If your human is introverted and afraid of women, then we use the porno route.  Spilling their seed also makes HIM mad;  just ask Onan from Genesis 38:8-10! Masturbation makes them even more introverted and less loving, and that sets the stage for a ruined life in HIS eyes, because HE wants them to love more, not less.  And BTW, it is a lot easier to get your humans to lie with one another if we manage to get them drunk first, which HE strictly forbade in 1 Corinthians 6:9-10.  However, thanks to the phenomenen known as the "good old boy", drinking contests are pretty common nowadays, especially at colleges.  It's become a rite of passage for males to try to outdrink everyone else.  They are very correct, BTW, when they sing "In heaven there is no beer", and we want them to drink as much of it as they can to accomplish My unholy Will.  We can usually get a few of them to die in car wrecks on the way home, and then we drag them down here for our supper.    If they don't die, then we get them tossed in jail for DWI for a few years, and ruin their lives that way. The secret to all of this anti-HIM activity is to first implant the "party spirit" in their minds, which Paul talked about in Galatians 5:19-21.  HE told then in 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 that their bodies are not to be used for immorality, that they are a temple to HIS SPIRIT, and that they are to be used to glorify HIM.  But thanks to us, their drunken, lustful bodies are a pleasure palace in honor of hell instead. So let the orgies begin!

30. And please remember to implant thoughts of hate and unforgiveness  in your human's psyche toward  other people who have hurt them psychologically, physiologically, or spiritually over the years.  These injurious people are what we call "saintmakers".  Why?  Because if they want to be with HIM when they die, they not only have to forgive these people who have wronged them in their past, they have to  love them too.  In other words, they must become saintly and forgive, forgive, forgive, EVERYONE, from their heart, even those irritable people that have wronged them over the years.  It is especially devilish to see humans not forgive one another because of money misunderstandings.  HE said in Matthew 6:24 that humans cannot serve HIM and money, and it is a lot of fun to watch them hate each other over financial shenanigans.  When they hate each other over the decades of their life, and refuse to forgive one another because of money, that is fuel for our fire!  HE taught them to pray "Forgive us our trespasses AS we forgive those who trespass against us", but most of them just rattle off that prayer without thinking about what they are actually saying.  In other words, if they only forgive the person who hurt them 30%, then HE only forgives them 30% for their transgressions.  It would seem that humans fashion their own personal salvation measuring rod for themselves, based totally on how they forgive others.  HE even told them about that in Mark 4:24; that is, the measure they give to others will be the same measure that they get in return. They may claim that HE is their master, but they sure don't like to emulate what HE did from the cross;  that is, HE forgave HIS torturers and murderers completely from the cross, because they didn't know what they were doing, HE said.  It actually makes a lot of the humans feel good to not ever forgive their own personal tormentors, and some even hate their own kin.  HE said in 1 John 3:15, that if you hate your brother, then you are no better than a murderer who is hell bound.  And that is exactly what we want. We know that every time a human wills in his or her mind to hate someone who has done them wrong, that it is like him holding a rattlesnake in his hand and letting it bite him.  After a while, the poison from our bites causes not only more moral blindness and hate, but it also creates physical ailments like high blood pressure, arthritis, and cancer.  This is exactly what we want - making them feel good through hate and unforgiveness, shortening their miserable life through diseases as a result, and then opening our trap door and dragging them down here to eternal misery and hate when they least expect it!  He actually warned them about all of this, in Matthew 18:23-35, in the parable of the massive debtor who was forgiven his debt by his king, but who then went out and beat up someone who owed him a fraction of what he had just been forgiven for.  But thanks be to me, most people never even read this parable any more, and if they do read it, they don't try to apply it to their own personal life.  HE told Peter to forgive 70 x 7 times, which means unlimited, but in today's modern world, hardly anyone forgives anyone, except for that old Polish Pope who completely forgave his assassin. But hardly anyone emulates him either, because you see, their particular hurt and angst is SO much more than being shot and wounded!

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31. And keep your humans talking about other humans.  This seems to be one of their favorite pastimes - talking bad about your neighbors, your boss,  and your spouse, all behind their backs.  He forbade all of this in HIS book, but so what?  The humans like to ridicule other people who are different,  who are better off, who are worse off, who are in financial straits, who are trapped in our sexual depravity, and those who have done them wrong.  Old Peter the Rock warned them in 1 Peter 3:10 about keeping their tongue from evil and their lips from guile if they want to live long, but so what?  Even James in his epistle, James 1:26, says that their religion is in vain if they don't bridle their tongue.  James even compares the human tongue to a forest fire and poison in James 3:5-8.  Paul, in Romans 1:29-32, compares gossip to a lot of other great evils of ours:

"They were filled with all manner of wickedness, evil, covetousness, malice. Full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, malignity, they are gossips,  slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents,  foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless.  Though they know God's decree that those who do such things deserve to die, they not only do them but approve those who practice them." 

HE also said in Matthew 12:36-37 that

"I tell you, on the day of judgment men will render account for every careless word they utter;  for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned."

It is so hilarious to see the humans receive HIM on their tongues during Mass, and then use those same tongues to curse, slander, and gossip the rest of the week.  They really don't get it, I guess, that to profane a sacred object, like the tongue after Holy Communion, is not exactly going to get them a ticket upstairs after they die.  Of course, if they really believed, really believed, that their entire body (which, of course, includes the tongue) is a temple to the Holy Spirit, then they would use their whole body to glorify HIM through loving their neighbor, instead of cursing their neighbor.  But most of the humans prefer our slander to HIS love, so that is yet another way we get them down here. 

Even old Sirach, back in the Old Testament, Sirach 5:13-14, warns the humans about slander and the severe condemnation that comes to the double tongued.  No, we want them praising HIM with their tongue one minute, and slandering their stupid boss the next.  Double tongued humans are ours, according to HIM!!

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32. Keep your human lusting after as many of the world's goods as you possibly can, especially whatever his neighbor has, and whatever he sees advertised on TV.  Our friends on Madison Avenue create a great sense of greed in our human subjects. They have made a science out of creating fake needs for whatever it is they are selling, whether it's the latest detergent, kitchen gadget, music collection, cars, or whatever. HE said in Luke 18:22 that if the humans wanted to be perfect, they must not only follow HIS commandments, but they must also sell all that they have and then go and follow HIM. Most humans do just the opposite;  they buy, buy, and buy, more, more, and more.  We love making the humans disobey his commands by making the reverse of what HE said to do seem normal, right and good. HE warned them in Psalm 10:3 that the man who is greedy for gain curses and renounces HIM, but they don't care as long as they are "comfortable" in this life, surrounded by all of their "things".  In 1 Corinthians 5:10, Paul even compares greed as being equal to immorality, idolatry, blasphemy, getting drunk, and robbery, but so what?  He even comes right out and says in 1 Corinthians 6:10 that the greedy will NOT be entering heaven.  It would seem that the humans cannot take anything with them to heaven, except what they gave away in their earthly life!!!

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33. One of our great success stories in recent years has been to secularize Catholic Universities, even those named after HER.  We have instilled a great deal of pride in their priest presidents, and we whisper in their ears that it is more important to be loved and adored by the liberal intelligentsia and the media than it is to be true to their own 2000 year old teachings.  We have turned many of these universities into "obedience-free zones", so that the local bishop or archbishop has absolutely no say in what speakers come to their campus, including pro-abortion ones.  This creates a lot of confusion in the mind of weak minded Catholics, who don't understand why a priest, college president or not, can just do his own thing, when no priest off campus can do that.  In one university in Washington DC, the President of the USA demanded that the crucifix be covered up in the background while he was speaking, and the university obeyed him like one of my demons taking an order from me.  No, it is more important for university presidents and their board to bow down to the power of the Presidency than to bow down to HIM.  This, they think, makes them broad minded and open to new ideas, because, after all, this is the 21rst century and tolerance of evil is now seen as a virtue.  Notice how we have flipped this upside down in the last 50 years.  The university presidents have been educated into imbecility, and believe that whatever they do is OK, because, after all, they have a lot of degrees.  In Indiana, the University named after HER even had rosary-saying protesters arrested. There was great joy down here below when the University President there sanctioned that, I can tell you!

34. One of our cleverest plots against the Christians is to strike down their priests and bishops.  Of course, we can't really strike down anyone, because of their infinite free will which HE gave them, but I really like saying it anyway.  What you need to do is to find out the particular weakest link in their priests and bishops, and then place that temptation in front of their mind and eyes as much as possible. Then, when they finally give in to it, whether it's attacking young altar boys, having an affair with a beautiful woman, or stealing money from the collection plate, about 2/3 of the people in the pews will get so upset with the church that they will leave.  We did this very thing with Judas and Peter,  getting them each to deny HIM in their own way, and a lot of people either left or refused to join HIS new church as a result. This  philosophy of taking down the leader to scatter the flock was predicted by old Zechariah back in his book, Chapter 13, verses 7-9, I believe.  Unfortunately for us, though, the remaining 1/3 of parishioners who stay will then be tested by HIM through HIS  fire and come out victorious. HE even quoted Zechariah in Matthew 26:31, as if to remind HIS flock. But, the ones alive today are too stupid to even read the bible, much less meditate on it and apply it to their personal lives.  Thanks to us, studying HIS Word today has been replaced with murder mysteries on TV, 3D adventure movies at the theater, and computer games.  This is all great, because by keeping their infantile minds occupied with silly entertainment and noisy music 24/7 (instead of studying something that could save them from hell) they don't even want to meditate on His Word, something which everybody already in Heaven did on a daily basis while they were still alive.  And their time is growing shorter and shorter on earth, with each passing day.  Soon, the "I must be entertained at all times" crowd will be down here roasting over our open fire, right next to the "I hate the Church because of the actions of its leaders" crowd.  And all because we took down 4% of priests over 50 years with the altar boy scandals!  Our good buddies in the secular media amplified the report so loudly, that most people believe that a majority of priests were scandalous, rather than just the 4%.  Now start working on the remaining 96% of priests!

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35. Be sure to entice your human to sin by surrounding him with good buddies who share a lot in common. You know, the same life experiences while growing up, the same kind of humor, the same love of good-lookin' babes, the same tastes in fast cars, etc.  Once this bond is formed, it is very hard for the humans to ever break it.  When HE starts working on one of his sons to forsake sin and follow HIM, the good buddy is always there to put peer pressure on him to drink more beer, to cheat on his wife, and to stay out late shooting pool.   This peer pressure is so great at times, that the humans usually forsake HIM and choose us and our worldly temptations.  After all, nobody wants to be uncool and to look like a holy Joe in front of their drinkin' buds.  We have a lot of "good ol' boys" down here in hell, who just yesterday were scoping out the chicks in the girlie mags, and who were throwing their beer bottles out the truck window, trying to hit the STOP sign as they were running it.   It's a HELL of a note that there was another car running that same stop sign coming from the other direction.  And when they get down here in our hellfire, they all say the same things:  "Why me?"  "There's been a mistake."  "Nobody told me about hell."  "I want to go back to my Mom.", etc., etc., etc.  I get so tired of hearing the same things from them over and over.  HE warned them all about hell in HIS book, the TV is full of preachers talking about us, and there are churches just about everywhere.  No, they have no excuses, and once they're down here, there is no escape ever from our torments.  What did they think?  That they would live forever?  That they could repent at the last minute when they were 85?  As they live, so shall they die.  And when they sin a lot, we down here get to decide when they die!  After all, since they reject HIM and his austere way of living, there is one and only one other choice for their Lord and Master....The very dynamic, ultracool, and very HOT, Me!

36. Ever notice how the humans today are so busy with unimportant things?  There's soccer practice, going out to eat, work, TV, family affairs, shopping, computer games, etc., etc., etc. Many of the humans are so busy with these pursuits that they will never find the time to do HIS work - Feeding the poor, giving drink to the thirsty, clothing the naked, visiting the prisoners, praying for their enemies, etc.  This is all great news for us, especially since HE even spelled it out for them in Matthew 25:31-46 about the importance of doing these corporal works of mercy (I really hate even saying that!) if they want to go to heaven.  No, they prefer the busy things of this world much more than the things HE told them in Matthew's gospel that they had to do in order to attain heaven.  And they busier they are, the better.  For sure, we do not want them ever to read about their judgment to come in Matthew 25:31-46, so keep on keepin' on with emphasizing in their minds the many worldly things that occupy their time. And always make them believe that it is enough for them to only profess their belief in him, rather than on the necessity of performing good works as a fruit of their faith.  He told them in Romans 2:6 that he will render to every man according to his works.  AND not only that, HE reemphasized it in Revelation 20:13 that they will be judged ...by ...what ...they ...had ...DONE!  HE didn't curse the barren fig tree for nothing.

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37. When one of your humans sins sufficiently, we then have the power to give him one of our greatest gifts, the gift of depression.  This is a state of the soul that says that life is meaningless, that there is no hope for the future, and it's better to be dead than alive.  In this state, the humans really believe that the sad way they are now is the way that they will be forever if they stay alive.  We have convinced a lot of psychiatrists that this is a mental state  only, rather than one of the soul. We know that the mind and the soul are linked together like fire and heat.  So we then get these doctors to load up the depressed person with drugs and counseling.  Of course, these things help, but since the real cause of this disease is that of the soul, these actions are only halfway measures. Once they turn to HIM through prayer, fasting, and the sacraments, HE then takes over their life and this state of the soul disappears;  thus the human then becomes even stronger in the faith.  So you must suggest to him or her to kill themselves while in this depressed state.  One of HIS saints, John of the Cross, referred to a similar state of prayer as "the dark night of the soul", when HE withdraws all spiritual consolation to see if the human can stand on his own two feet through the sacraments, prayer, and self denial. In other words, HE does this to see if they walk by faith, not by sight. This is similar to when a child leaves the family household to strike out on his own, after he has sufficiently been brought up and cared for by a loving family.  Of course, HE is always with them no matter what, they just can't see HIM or feel HIS love.  HE went through a similar state of being on the cross, when HE said, "My God, My God, why hast thou forsaken me?"  And when HE was undergoing this depressed state of the soul in the garden of Gethsemane, we even caused HIM to sweat blood by showing HIM all of the sins of all of the generations of humans that HE had to atone for on the cross.  It's truly amazing that HE chose the arrest, the chains, the hits, the insults, the rejection by HIS own priests, condemnation by the Romans and King Herod, the scourges,  the mocking of the soldiers, the crown of thorns, the carrying of the cross, the beatings, the nails in HIS hands and feet, and the 3 hours of agony on the cross before HE died. This sacrifice opened up the gates of Heaven that had been shut since the one sin of Adam and Eve, the sin of disobedience.  How many people today now disobey HIS church on birth control and abortion? A lot, praise be to me, the very first disobedient one!  If they only knew what awaits them down here for their disobedience - Eternal depression, which makes what HE went through during HIS Passion seem like a walk in the park!  After all, HE had it written down for them in Luke 10:16 that "He who hears you hears me, and he who rejects you rejects me, and he who rejects me rejects him who sent me", but most people today look down on HIS Church, which means of course, that they look down on HIM, which is exactly what we want.

38. Personally, I like giving the humans power, and the more unlimited the power, the better. We did this with Pharaoh, Herod, Hitler, and Stalin, and look at how they used their power over other humans for our benefit.  Millions were enslaved, tortured, and killed. Others, however, can still work for our benefit with lesser power, or at least the craving for it.  These lower humans use their power to climb to the top of their business world while stabbing their "friends" in the back to do so.  They love the art of making business deals, wheeling and dealing, building, demolishing, always on the phone, making lots of money, looking down their noses at people who aren't like them, hating people who are like them, etc., and all the while ignoring their family.  Like a little toddler, they cry and whine when they don't get their own way.  Their very existence depends on this type of busy, busy, busy, life support. They will travel to the ends of the earth to make a buck, but would never even think to walk across the street to humbly acknowledge HIM in HIS tabernacle.  They actually like living in our world, er, I mean, their world of busy finance (sorry, my Freudian slip was showing).  And if anyone gets in their way, it's lawyers and lawsuits, something HE warned against in Luke 11:46, 1 Corinthians 6:7, and James 2:6.  These power-hungry humans also know that along with power comes unlimited sex should they so desire it, because humans of the opposite sex find power to be very attractive.  We encourage this unlimited fornication through power by placing a lot of these types of people together in the office these days.  These control freaks (it's my way or the highway) which include a lot of HIS clergy, by the way, really believe that it is more important to gain the whole world, and never even think about losing their souls (Mark 8:36) in the process.  Accomplishing really big things while they are alive feeds their ego and is even an aphrodisiac to some.  They never even think to pray for HIS power, which is unlimited grace. He regularly dispenses this invisible power in HIS Mass, HIS book, HIS sacraments,  and in HER rosary, but most humans can't see it, so they don't believe in it.  Seeing is believing after all, we tell them on a regular basis, even though at Mass they repeat that they believe in "all things seen and unseen".  Our power is in pride, HIS power is in humility.  The more humble the humans, like Moses (Numbers 12:3), the more HE can accomplish in them.  To our great pride, more people want to be rich CEOs than HIS trusting, humble servants. The good news is that some really believe they can be both, which HE told them they couldn't, in Matthew 6:24 and Matthew 12:25.  No, the real power that we show them is the power of this world - money, earthquakes, tsunamis, volcanoes, floods, nuclear bombs, science, control, lightning, gravity, business deals, jet airplanes, etc.  No one wants to believe that there is unlimited power that they can access, freely given, waiting for the asking, in the form of grace. They want earthly power now, and so that's what we give them.  Of course, we get their souls in the end, but since they never even think about their own deaths, who cares?  Certainly not the humans, that's for sure, at least not until it's too late.  Like a deer attracted to the molasses and corn at the deer feeder, they are attracted to our power.  And they never suspect that there is a hunter waiting for them at that deer feeder who wants to kill and eat them.  It is so funny to see the expression on their faces when we throw them into our lake of fire.  They simply can't believe that a lifetime of ignoring HIM and HIS dictates while pursuing their own personal desires could land them here. The funniest expressions are on the ones that tried to have it both ways, the fence straddlers. Some of HIS followers do know, however, that every Mass they attend and every communion they receive speaks for them at their judgment while we are accusing them of their sins, so be sure to work on them about how busy they need to be during the week, especially watching stock market updates on TV all the time, so that they will never even think about attending daily Mass for their "daily bread".  The ones that do attend daily Mass start to form an invisible shield around them that makes it harder for our temptations to get through.  With these kind of humans, you have to be much more subtle in your approach.  I would suggest using the "spiritual pride" approach by planting in their minds that they are holier than everyone else, which immediately negates any spiritual benefit they get.   Happy hunting!  The harvest is rich today!

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39. Praise be to me, for I have come up with the perfect brainwashing plan for HIS look-a-likes.  My plan all along was to infiltrate their minds with my unholy trinity of Madison Avenue advertising, Hollywood suggestive movies, and Wall Street greed.  The first, Madison Avenue advertising, implants in their brains the need to buy lots of junk that they don't really need.  We work overtime having our people come up with great jingles, sexy imagery, and envious imaginary needs that cause humans to not only buy our stuff that they don't really need, but also to go deep in debt.  Getting the latest and greatest gadget and gizmo they see on TV is now something they HAVE to do. HE said that if they wanted to be perfect, that they should sell all that they have, give it to the poor, and then go and follow HIM.  Our Madison Avenue approach creates just the opposite thoughts in their minds. The second, Hollywood suggestive movies, is a no brainer.  Now people would rather watch bloody gory movies about evil than saccharine sweet "family movies".  The one caveat here is if the movie is bloody and gory and is about HIS Passion, the intelligentsia will warn against seeing it for all of its blood and gore.  No hypocrisy there, I assure you....Have I ever lied to you before?  I think not!  And when the blood and gore movies stop being attractive, we bombard them with nudity, fornication, and adultery, all with no real-world consequences. Just let them try unlimited sex in their world, and HE lowers the boom on them.  But we hide this cause-and-effect relationship from them in the movies, so that they confuse our fantasy with HIS reality, actually believing that there will be no repercussions from their sexual dalliances with porn, the woman at the office, or our nudies on the big screen. HE said to even look on a woman with lust was to commit adultery with her, and thanks be to Hollywood, most men have committed adultery with thousands of beautiful women on the big screen.   The third member of our unholy trinity, of course, is the best, because even the Christians find no fault with participating in Wall Street greed.  There is no sin in investing, of course, but some become so obsessed with it, that it negates HIS effect in their lives.  A lot of Christians believe that it is more important to be rich and comfortable in  this life, especially in their retirement, rather than to totally trust in HIM for everything. In other words, thanks be to me, in their minds it is OK to put more faith in their 401K than in HIM, Luke 12:16-21 notwithstanding.  HE said that it was impossible to serve HIM and money, but thanks be to Wall Street greed, a lot of people actually believe that they can.  As one of our famous movie characters once said, "Greed is good"!

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40.  Our progressive smoke has now entered the Church, as Pope Paul VI once said, praise be to me.  We now have high level priests and bishops who aren't exactly preaching the Catholic party line.  These guys now openly advocate for homosexual priests, women priests, married priests, abortion on demand, and artificial birth control.  Our arch-enemy, Father Amorth (the Vatican exorcist), recently revealed all of this in an interview, but since so many enlightened (I really love that word) people find the whole idea of an exorcist rather strange, hardly anybody paid attention to what he said.  What we want to do to HIS church is exactly the same as we did to Henry VIII's church - make it so compassionate and "diverse" that it stands for nothing and is totally inept in standing up to us and our filth.  We want them to go-along-to-get-along.  After all, this is the 21rst century, and sin can be redefined with a simple majority vote, like the followers of Martin Luther recently did in the US.  Scripture is whatever they think it says, rather than what it actually says.   Currently, HIS Church boldly stands up to the rotten culture of the day, saying no to just about everything we propose and spineless politicians enact into law.  Our good buddies in the media and in the newspapers now regularly attack the Pope and HIS Church.  One of our greatest agents in England recently said that the Pope should be arrested!  The stage is indeed being set for a great showdown between our friends in the secular world and HIS people in the Vatican.  Strike the shepherd, and watch the flock scatter.  We like that, because once they scatter and lose the power of HIS sacraments, they are much easier for us to pick off and drag down here for our supper.  And the beauty of it all is that we did this by infiltrating HIS church with our homosexual priests who preyed on altar boys.   

41. Praise be to me, we now have a lot of humans in a state of addiction.  This inordinate attachment to the pleasures of our, I mean, this, world, automatically drives them away from HIM and towards us.  We now have them addicted to many of our earthly delights, like porn, food, sex, gambling, alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, movies, TV, the occult, etc.  And the beauty of it all is that we have created an atmosphere that says to them that it is all just harmless fun.  After all, we whisper to their psyche that they are only human, and what's the harm in indulging yourself just one more time?  You can always quit tomorrow, we say.  Of course, once their minds and their bodies become accustomed to our sweet manure, they can never stop on their own.  They have to totally, totally, totally, 1000%, embrace HIS Word, HIS sacraments, HIS humility in prayer and actions, and HER rosary to overcome their addiction.  In other words, they have to give their minds, their bodies, their souls, their thoughts, their words, and their deeds over to HIM.  Most will never embarass themselves by doing this, because of peer pressure from their buddies, and most are too proud to ask for help.  They tend to struggle alone, and try to overcome their escapist trip to the dark side all by themselves, which only tends to prolong their sweet misery.  By the time they finally ask for help, their lives are a complete mess.  Praise be to me again, for I have created the thought process in their minds that it is a sign of weakness to ask for help in overcoming addictions.  "Pull yourselves up by your own bootstraps", I say!  For sure, HE wants them to help each other, but nowadays hardly anyone does that anymore, unless it's for money.  No, when they struggle alone, they are ours;  When they humbly ask for help, they are HIS.  Be sure that you whisper to them that HER rosary is just mindless repetition, and that it is a total waste of time to say it.  NEVER let the humans become aware of its binding power over us like a chain.  It galls me to no end when HE sends HER to protect them from me whenever they say their rosary.  It's just not fair.

42. All glory and honor to me for wordsmithing the humans into total imbecility.  The "Right to Choose" is one of the best phrases that we have come up with since we invented the term "The Enlightenment" (HE told them that we can disguise ourselves as angels of light, in 2 Corinthians 11:14, and our deception with "the enlightenment" sure fooled a lot of humans into choosing science and reason over faith).  Of course, no woman believes that a man has "the right to choose" rape or murder, but praise be to me, a lot of women believe that it's OK to "choose" to kill their very much alive baby in the womb.  After all, it's a right enshrined in their constitution (never ask exactly where in the constitution it is, though).  We hate these baby humans because they are made in HIS image and likeness, rather than mine, so take them out we must.  HE said in Psalm 139 that HE knits them together in their mother's womb (now just exactly how can she be a "mother" before the baby is born?).  Jeremiah says in chapter 1 of his book that HE knew Jeremiah before HE even formed HIM in the womb, and that HE consecrated Jeremiah before he was born. This should be a hint to the female humans that their "fetus" (another great dehumanizing term) has a purpose in life, but thanks to the Supreme Court, that purpose will never be realized in a lot of cases, thanks to abortion "laws" (laws that were never passed in Congress are the best kind.  We love judicial fiats!).  Old John the Baptist leaped for joy in his mother's womb at the sound of HER voice, it says in Luke 1:44.  This should also be a hint to the mothers who kill their progeny that "unviable tissue masses" experience emotions, and are very much alive.  We devils so enjoy interrupting the co-creation that goes on between HIM and HIS humans.  HE really loves creating babies, but now, a lot of females would rather kill them before they are born, which is exactly what we in hell want. These humans really prefer bigger cars, bigger houses, fancier vacations, etc., over HIS greatest gift of life.  It is funny to see the humans create a new "right" that is the complete opposite of HIS dictate to man to "go forth and multiply".  Man now says "Go forth and murder!" Old Pharoah and King Herod would be so proud of America today, taking up where they left off, killing innocent babies.  HE predicted these days would happen when HE said Luke 23:29: "For behold, the days are coming when they will say, `Blessed are the barren, and the wombs that never bore, and the breasts that never gave suck!" Just imagine if we can get the humans to "choose" to ignore paying taxes, "choose" to ignore the speed limits, "choose" to ignore marriage vows, etc.  What a wonderful world that would be!  After all, we say, it's a free country, and everyone has the right to do whatever they want to do, whenever they want to do it.  "Do as thou will" is our only commandment. Having 6 billion people on earth all deciding for themselves what morality is is our goal.  We don't want anyone signing up to a set of common principles, which will create order instead of our chaos.  The "right to choose"... never let them complete that sentence!

43.  It is so much fun to terrorize the humans while they sleep. We sneak into their rooms while they are trying to sleep, and put all kinds of dark and somber thoughts into their brains.  Some of the more highly attuned ones catch a glimpse of us out of the corner of their eyes while we are coming and going, but that is the exception.  We love to get on top of them in bed and hold them down, which their doctors refer to as "sleep paralysis".  They can't seem to move, and they can't seem to holler out for help.  If they only knew the power of blessed objects in their room that would keep us from getting in there in the first place!  But most of them think that blessed objects are superstitious or something.  Some of the humans have gotten wise to us and keep a blessed picture of HER in their room, and they say HER prayer when they feel our oppression.  Some even get scary tingles down the back of their neck when they sense us in the room, but these prayers invoking HER protection are more than we can take.  And we really don't have a devil's chance in heaven if they sprinkle HIS holy water around their room and house periodically.  That stuff is like rat poison to us, so be saved-sure to keep implanting in their minds that there is NO difference between holy water and regular water.  It's not the water we are concerned with, but the blessing on the water that gives us fits. We especially like to late-night terrorize humans who look at porn and commit other sexual sins in their beds, so keep advertising the coolness of these sins to your humans. Your 3 AM intrusions will be a lot more fun for you!

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44.  For the record, I hate letting the sinful humans live to be old.  The sooner we get them down here, the better.  Some have mid-life crises that cause them to revert back to the faith of their youth, and this state for us is worse than it was when they were kids and just going through the motions for their parents' benefit.  Now they realize that there is such a thing as hell on earth for living a sinful lifestyle, and they can't imagine what hell in hell must be like, so they reform their lives accordingly.    Of course, we do let a lot of public sinners live long lives, especially pornographers, so that they can be role models for the youth and young adults, who look at these public sinners and then try to emulate them, because, after all, they are old and having a great time with the chicks!  And when we combine that attitude (of course, there is never a guarantee that the young sinful imitators will live past tomorrow!) with the thought that they can always repent later (most never do!), then we have the perfect combination - a sinful human who doesn't know that as he lives, so shall he die.  The thing that a lot of men and women don't realize is that the longer they are alive, the more the world wears them down.  And if they don't receive HIS graces through HIS daily bread and HIS confessional on a regular basis, then they start to get worldly.  The niceness that they used to exhibit on a regular basis when they were younger is now replaced by meanness.  They become self centered and more concerned about themselves than for the welfare of others, especially their siblings and in-laws.  Why?  Because they think that this world is all there is, and they need to grab as much of it as possible NOW.  This state of being is just the opposite of those who regularly visit HIS church and who pray for others.  It is a lot of fun to see these two types of people in the same family.  Neither of them can understand the other one, and the mean ones always try to take advantage of the meek and humble ones, a lot of times over money and property, through lawsuits.  The mean ones think that the religious ones are stupid for believing in a 2000 year old dead guy (they also hate them for this belief), and the religious ones think that the mean ones have lost their minds, because they love money more than them. This breaks up a lot of families. Sometimes we throw in mind diseases like dementia and Alzheimer's to go along with their body diseases of arthritis and cancer, just for fun.  When a partner of a spouse discovers that his lover no longer has control of the mind, that makes for interesting times.    HE wants people to never forsake each other, even when their minds fail (Sirach 3). And most humans don't realize that as they try to find their niche in the world through work, money, pleasure, leisure, etc., that just the opposite is true - The world finds its niche in them!  And that is EXACTLY what we want!

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45. One of the things I hate is when your human visits his ancestor's grave and prays for his soul.  It's bad enough that his prayers are alleviating the pain and suffering his dead relative is currently undergoing in purgatory, which HE refers to as purification.  But when he is through with his prayers and glances at the other tombstones in the cemetery, he may notice that a lot of the headstones have birth dates engraved on them that indicate that some dead people are younger than he is.  This sudden realization that others who were born after him are now dead may awaken in him the thought that the ground he is currently standing on could be his final resting place, sooner rather than later.  This is exactly what we do not want. We want the humans to really believe that death is something that happens to other people, but not to him.  Death is for those stupid people who allowed themselves to either get old and die, or who were stupid enough to have an accident at an early age.  We want him to think that he will live forever, and that the great way that things are now will always be.  Once he realizes that he is not guaranteed a tomorrow, or even a tonight, he may change his life and get serious about his religion.  We want them thinking that they can have it both ways - living the free and easy life 6 days of the week, and then going to church on Sunday.  A lot of them think that this is what Christianity is all about, rather than a 7 day a week commitment to HIM and HIS teachings.  And that is so funny, because perfection in an activity, hobby, or pursuit in life can never be achieved unless it is practiced a lot, and on most days of the week. And by the way, HIS Church offers them a get out of jail free card, known as an indulgence, if they visit a cemetery and pray for the dead during the first 8 days of November, the month of the Holy Souls.  Make saved-sure that your human doesn't do this, and make sure that he doesn't sprinkle holy water on the graves, which the dead in purgatory find to be very comforting.  I really hate holy water, because the exorcism blessing that it contains lessens our power.   And the terrible thing is if they do visit cemeteries and pray for the dead, then when they die, HE will make sure that others who come along after their death will do the same for them at their grave.  I really don't think that's fair.

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46. One of the great things that we have accomplished is our takeover of journalism and the news. Now, journalists broadcast their secular personal opinion of the news, rather than just giving the facts.   Angry talking heads on TV now have segments called "The worst person in the world", and they glare into the TV like a wolf looking at a chicken.  They think that because they think something is true, then that makes it true.  And we have convinced these so-called "journalists" that the Catholic Church is evil, with its stances against abortion, homosexuality, assisted suicide, cloning, and artificial birth control.  So the journalists regularly attack HIS Church and HIS Pope by painting the picture that it is only the Catholic Church which has a problem with child abuse.  They refuse to cover the exact same issue with public schools and in the family, where over 50% of the abuse occurs.  No, they paint the picture that it is celibacy that is the reason the kids are abused, even though Paul recommended celibacy as a way of life in 1 Corinthians 7:8.  Strangely, a lot of the same people who say that celibate homosexual priests who attack altar boys would be cured of this if they could marry women also say that homosexuals were born that way and can never be cured!!!!! This is all great for us, of course.  Anybody that attacks the Church attacks HIM, as it says in Luke 10:16.  We really love it when journalists do our bidding under the guise of selective "investigative journalism".  People who watch these attack shows start to get brainwashed and actually believe what our biased gasbags have to say about HIS Church.  Thanks be to me, many people who call themselves Catholics, including nuns and priests, get on these shows and badmouth their very own Church.  Our good buddy Judas would be proud.

47. Be sure to incite a horror of the poor in your humans.  HE said that whatever the humans did for the least of HIS brothers, they did it to HIM, in Matthew 25, I believe.  But thanks be to me, most humans revile at the sight of a bum, or beggar, or hobo, or bag lady, or whatever self-righteous derogatory term they come up with for the poor.  Put prideful thoughts in your humans' minds that they made it through hard work and have a nice job, so what's the big deal about the poor?  They should also go to school and get an education and a job.  If you can get them to actually tell the poor to "get a job", that is even better.  Don't let the well off people of the world suspect for a moment that everything they have is a gift from HIM, and has nothing to do with their own resourcefulness.  Their very mind, their ability to memorize massive amounts of data in college textbooks, their looks, their physical skills, etc.,  that allowed them to get a diploma and to get ahead in the world came from HIM, not from themselves.  I truly love self righteous humans, because they are hellbound. And don't let them on to the fact that the poor were brought into the world under much worse circumstances than they were, which certainly inhibits their ability to go to college and "get a job".  Place the thought in the rich ones' psyches that their money, job, status, and power make them "better" than the stinky, dirty, and drunk poor of the world.   Of course, HE made them rich and well off so that they would help the poor, but instead most of them tend to spend the money on themselves, rather than on HIS lowly subjects.  Most of the well off ones won't even donate to the poor over the internet, because they love our money more than HIS poor.  We know that a poor person is like a diamond in the mud;  which, of course, is still a diamond.  HE wants them to pick up that diamond in the mud, clean it up, and polish it.  We, on the other hand, want the well-off humans to leave the diamond in the mud, which not only hurts them for doing nothing, but also hurts the poor who remain muddy.  Most humans would quickly pick up a dirty $100 bill in the mud, clean it up, and go spend it.  Not so much the dirty poor, though, because most humans love money and use people, rather than the other way around.  That one nun in Calcutta who got away from us once said that she saw the face of HIM in the poor, but thanks be to me, we now have our robots, the atheists, mocking her and her religion. They will make a fine supper for us one day down here.

48.  During the last century, we devils were very successful at militarizing the females of the human species.  We turned very soft, beautiful, loving females into very hard, demanding, power-loving females.  This intimidated a lot of men into becoming less masculine, so that they would not offend these "male wanna-be" females.  Isn't that great?  Women who want to be men, and men who want to be less male.  HE said in HIS book, in Genesis 1:27, I believe, that male and female he made them. Now, thanks to us, a lot of the traditional male/female roles have either been reversed or done away with.  Of course, there is nothing wrong with working females, as that is sometimes a necessity. But we took that and ran with it to the next level. Now, women work to get the nicest things that life has to offer, rather than working to make ends meet. Now, women reject HIS greatest gift by the droves, preferring to have a "comfortable" life instead of accepting more of HIS babies.  "BE FRUITFUL AND MULTIPLY, and fill the earth and subdue it", HE said in Genesis 1:28, but thanks be to me, a lot of women and men  absolutely refuse to obey that command of their Creator. In some alleged "Christian" countries, the replacement rate for the population is in decline, which means more Muslim immigrants will take over the country in 50 years or so.  Now, men are even afraid to tell a woman that she looks nice, especially after our Clarence Thomas hearings.  The sad thing for us however, is that there are still a few of the soft and beautiful females around, who always excite the self-reliant men, who in turn, always excite the real females.  This natural attraction of soft beautiful females to self-reliant real men is something we have to constantly be on the lookout for.  We prefer the women to take advantage of the man for her personal needs, and for the man to take advantage of the woman for his personal needs.  And then, when their temporary urges have been fulfilled, to just dump the partner. HE, on the other hand, wants a lifelong commitment between them, which means not only physical attraction, but lots of self sacrifice on their part for each other, all of the time, like HE did on the cross for them. Most humans only see the physical and psychological attraction in the opposite sex, thank badness, and revile at the self-sacrificing part, thanks be to me.  And the good part is that a lot of them now kill their infants in the once safest place in the world for a baby, the womb of the mother.  This slaughter continues unabated in the world today. HE said in Luke 23:29 - For behold, the days are coming when they will say, `Blessed are the barren, and the wombs that never bore, and the breasts that never gave suck!' PROPHECY FULFILLED!  We now take out the humans made in HIS image and likeness, by the millions. This is so unnecessary, because if they were made in My image and likeness instead, we would love that.  The feminist says "This is my body, and I will do with it whatever I want.  Keep your rosaries off of my ovaries."  The feminine ones like HER say "This is my body, be it done to me according to thy will (Luke 1:38). Say my rosary every day, for the salvation of the world." The really funny thing to watch is how the militant females detest it when a strange man stares at them in complete adoration, after they just spent hours making themselves look beautiful.  Like human males, we devils will never understand women!

50. And have you noticed how we have made electronic gadgets the false idols of many of the humans?  Today, most humans are addicted to their TVs, or to their hand held phone/computers, or to their musical playback devices, or to their internet computer games.  A lot of the humans spend hours hooked up to these machines, each and every day.  HE said in Luke 10:18 that HE saw me fall like lightning from the sky, and I have now harnessed the power of that lightning for the humans' enjoyment, and unbeknownst to them, their enslavement. When humans are actively engaged with these devices, the last thing on their minds is loving HIM and helping out HIS poor ones.  Their mental engagement with these machines, in a lot of cases, is more satisfying than mental engagements with their spouse or their kids. Why?  Because the humans can get these devices to do what they want them to do, while the spouse and the kids never do what they want them to do!  Control, it's what we do!  Of course, some humans have figured out that they can connect to EWTN or to the Bible or to audiosancto mp3s on these devices, but they are few and far between, so keep your human away from those types of things. We want them connected to porn sites, to kill the dragonmaster sites, to crossword puzzle sites, or to whatever tickles their brain, so that they will never even think about "praying constantly" as Paul said to do in 1 Thessalonians 5:17.  And the great part is that after their brains and mental faculties have been exhausted with their machine hookups all day, most of them will be too tired to ever pray, especially that mentally demanding rosary thing, which I HATE. It is funny to hear the humans say that it's too hard to meditate on the mysteries while saying HER psalter at the same time, after they have just gotten through playing mentally demanding computer games all day.  That rosary thing is like a chain that ties me up so that I can't do what I do best - tempting humans to hate HIM!

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52. And when all else fails, try one of my favorite damnation methods, syncretism.  For those of you who haven’t read my book, “Possession for Dummies”, syncretism is the combination of different philosophical and religious beliefs into one new belief system.  The way we do this is to overeducate the humans, so that they know a lot about Nietzsche, Plato, Socrates, Mao, Buddha, Chopra and Oprah, Gandhi, HIM, Confucius, etc. Then we mix all of that up in their very prideful minds (after all, they have a LOT of degrees, they've read a lot of books, and are therefore smarter and better than everyone else, you see), so that it somehow makes sense in their minds to combine a little bit of Chopra with a little bit of HIM with a little bit of Plato with a little bit of Nietzsche, etc. What then comes out of their mouth regarding salvation is a kluge of total nonsense that only makes sense to them.  They will then try to impart their wisdom to all of their Christian friends, and even ridicule them when they quote HIS book back to him.  My super smart ones always take offense when someone quotes the bible back to them, because that means that the quoter is stupid and doesn’t “think for himself”, like they do.  Our brainiacs put a very high premium on coming up with their own personal belief system, rather than adhering to the words of a book written millennia ago by Jews.  We have a lot of these very smart people down here now, who once walked on the earth spouting their own personal view of morality.  HE said in his book of 1 Corinthians chapter 1 that the wisdom of the world is folly, and that HIS cross is a stumbling block to the Jews, and folly to the Gentiles. How true that is today, when being educated in science is seen as having infinitely more value than being educated in HIS catechism.  Most Catholics don't even own a copy of HIS Catechism, so how important can it be to them (We also mix up stuff in the brains of Catholics, who love to pick and choose what they like from HIS Church.  They are called "cafeteria Catholics".)? In Matthew 11:25, HE says that HIS FATHER has hidden the things of Heaven from the wise and revealed them to HIS children. We’re not sure why he did that exactly, but we don’t really care. We get these “wisemen” down here for our nourishment on a regular basis.  So please encourage your human to believe that it is more important to come up with his or her own personal brand of salvation theology than it is to obey HIS commands in HIS book. Tell them that since they came up with it on their own, then it must be 100% correct.  Your models in this would be people like the Freemasons, Mohammed and Joseph Smith.  Of course, coming up with your own personal beliefs would never be accepted in other educational disciplines like math, or in studying a foreign language, but don’t let them catch on to that. Always make them think that it is OK to believe without hesitation everything they read in a science textbook written by one of their professors, but it is not OK to believe anything about their eternal destiny written down in the bible by Paul, Moses, or Peter.  Make them really think that not only is believing in science more important than believing in HIM, but that salvation is whatever they happen to think it is, because, after all, their 40-something year old mind is so much smarter than the wisdom of the ages, you see.  Human pride and wanting to be  a god worked well for me with Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden and with the Caesars in Rome, and it still works well today, mind you!

53. Ahh, impatience.  What a great thing that is.  Have you noticed how some of the humans pray like choir boys during church, and then try to run each other over in the parking lot afterwards?  It's like they can't wait to get away from HIM and HIS Church and HIS people.  Their thought process is something like "OK, I paid my dues for the week and gave HIM an hour or so on Sunday. Now get out of my way."  And there are still others who live perfectly saintly lives at home with their family, but as soon as they get behind the wheel of their car, it's Katy bar the gate if anyone dares to get in front of them on the highway at a slow speed they consider inappropriate.  They will tailgate and even make obscene gestures at those rude interlopers who took "their" space on the road away from them. Some even curse at them, which we always like.  No, in today's modern world, the humans want everything now, their way, all of the time.  Going to Mass and listening to the horrible choir drone on and on with horrible songs that nobody ever heard of before is pure torture for these impatient people, who just want to get it over with so they can get back to the really important things in their life, like TV and the internet.  Patience is a virtue that hardly anyone prays to obtain these days.  HE told them in Galatians 5:22 that  the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,  gentleness, & self-control, so if they ain't got patience, they certainly don't have HIS spirit.  So keep on egging them on to anger if they don't get their way, right away. They become just like babies throwing a temper tantrum if they don't get what they want.  HE hates that, but we surely do like it.

54. I don't know if you all remember the old days, before I was let loose from the pit.  In those days, the humans used to attend Mass in Latin all of the time, with lots of incense.  Incense, as you know, is holy smoke, and it has the effect of chasing us away, like Tobias did to our brother Asmodeus in Tobit 8.  Thanks be to me, most Masses today hardly ever use that stuff any more.  And the old sanctity of the Mass, where everyone knelt down and prayed before HIM in the tabernacle prior to Mass is no more. Now people chat and visit before Mass starts. It truly sounds more like a theater before the curtain goes up than it does preparation for "these sacred mysteries".  And saying a rosary before Mass anymore?  Forget that!  We love it that the "mysterium" has been aborted from the "mysterium fidei".  Now, the Mass is more of a celebration of coming together as one community for a meal, rather than a sacred recreation of HIS death and resurrection on the cross. We have also managed to remove the St. Michael prayer from the end of Mass, as well as kneeling to receive HIM on the tongue only.  Of course, some parishes still encourage reverence and proper dress during Mass, but most do not.  There is a certain familiarity with the people and HIM now, rather than the Moses/HIM scenario, with all of that Holy Ground talk.  No, the interior of the consecrated church is now seen as just another kumbaya space where people get together and hold hands during the Our Father.  We have been VERY successful at removing the tabernacle from the main areas of the churches, as well as the large crucifixes that used to adorn this once sacred space.  Now, the choir is closer to the altar than the tabernacle is!  And the once sacred music that used to drive us nuts has now been replaced with music that hardly anyone can sing along with.  And when you throw in the rambling sermons of some priests, that fail to tie together the readings in a coherent way, well that is the icing on the cake.  But be warned - There is that Father William Casey guy who has put a dent in our attacks.  His method of preaching has brought many a soul back from our brink.  Don't let people listen to him on EWTN or buy his CDs.  The ones that do listen to him have life changing experiences when they are FINALLY taught about what the church teaches. We have kept those teachings secret for all of these years, due to putting our thoughts into priests' minds that it is more important to be liked than it is to preach The Truth, The Whole Truth, and nothing but The Truth. I'm beginning to actually think that the humans like priests who preach The Truth, rather than milquetoast priests who tell everyone jokes during "sermons", relate the latest email they received, or who preach politics from the pulpit. 

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55. A lot of humans we deal with love to be distracted by totally useless arguments over things in the Bible that they have no control over, that matter not one iota to their salvation. You know, things like how old the earth truly is, whether or not they are justified in the eyes of HIM while their neighbor is not, and when the end of the world will be.  They will argue for months on end about these things, and even form new denominations based on their personal beliefs.  Some even write books that become million dollar best sellers based on their made up version of events that haven't even happened yet.  This is all so funny, because these people who focus on these things totally miss the truly important stuff in HIS book, things like helping the poor, loving HIM, and loving their neighbor as themselves, as HE commanded them to do. You will find that love is in short supply for anyone who disagrees with them on any topic that they know for sure has happened in a certain way, and only that way.  A lot of them now really think that all that is needed is to say that they believe in HIM, and that's all they need to do to be saved, even though Matthew 7:21-23 says not.  So let them argue until doomsday about useless bible trivia.  That keeps them from doing HIS will, and allows us to break up HIS church into even smaller groups, so that their power on earth is reduced even further.  But don't let them read about their judgment in Matthew 25:31-46, at all costs.

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56.  And when all else fails, get your human puppets to become entangled with a false religion.  In the 19th century, for instance we were very successful at creating a religion that said that there is more than one god, that you can be your own god of your own planet one day if you follow the good works prescription of a "prophet", etc.  There are many such Mormons today who are polytheists. Another favorite of mine is the Jehovah's Witnesses, who actually teach that HE is really our old nemesis, Michael the archangel.  In other words, they claim that HE isn't divine.  Now that is a teaching that I really like.  And those Unitarians who don't believe in anything at all except that there is no Trinity do a lot of great work for us.  All they really do is sit around and discuss things, never coming to a conclusion about HIM.  Moral relativism at its very best.  Your goal in getting them to stumble around in these false religions is to keep them away from Confession, the Eucharist, and HIS Mass.  Then, they become easy pickins for us!

57.  Politics is one of the best ways to drag our human food down here to hell.  We have managed to insert a lot of moral issues into the campaigns lately, like killing babies in the womb, homosexual marriage, government run health care, etc.  We incite riots between otherwise sane people who are on different sides of these issues. One side says that the other has no right to project their morality on the masses, at the exact same time that they themselves are doing just that.  They can get away with it, of course, because secular humanism is not seen as a religion, while the religious people are accused of inserting their religion  into politics, something which has always been done, but is always frowned on by the intelligentsia.  Things like murder, rape, stealing, lying under oath, etc., are all forbidden by most religions, as well as by most governments, but no one sees this as a problem. It is so funny to hear allegedly smart people say "You can't legislate morality" at the same time they support laws against murder or rape.  The all-hallowed "separation of church and state" phrase that is nowhere to be found in any original US document has now been enshrined by their court system as a law.  What was once meant to keep the state out of the Church's business, has now been turned on its ear to keep the Church out of the state's business.  All of this has led to uncivil discourse on the airwaves, which we love. Some TV stations are disguising their liberal political commentary as news, at the same time they accuse another TV station of disguising its conservative political commentary as news.  The old pot calling the kettle black. And the radio is filled with hosts calling their political enemies names while making fun of how they look and talk.  This is all great of course, and none of it is biblical.  But most people today lead with their politics, not their faith.  In other words, they put a lot more stock in the here and now, rather than the hereafter.  Instead of praying for their enemies, like HE said, they now blast them as being evil, mean, and stupid.  It is hilarious to watch the moral side talk about the years-long process of amending their constitution to enshrine morality in it. We don't need no stinkin' constitutional amendment to enshrine immorality and chaos in the constitution - all we need is one judge in California to say that the prohibition of a newly created immoral right is unconstitutional!  And that is indeed an ugly thing to behold, thanks be to me!

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58. One of the things I really like to do is to tempt humans to sin.  We know what their main weaknesses are, after all of these years of observation, and we like to create situations ahead of the temptation that make it all the more delectable when we do present it. This is like the farmer who plows the ground first before planting. If he doesn't do that, then the seed he plants won't be able to get into the hard ground to grow to maturity.  For instance, we like to stir up fights between a husband and a wife, using her pettiness and his male ego as our nitro and glycerin.  After a while, the husband decides that just avoiding conversations with his wife is the best policy. This drives them apart and is analogous to the plowing. Then, out of the blue, when the man is at his weakest, like when he loses his job, when his mother dies, or when his dad insults him, we present a beautiful old girlfriend from the past to him, who he hasn't even thought about in 30 years.  This will normally bring him to his mental, physical, and spiritual knees very fast. He only sees a lifetime of misery ahead with his argumentative wife, while the old girlfriend, who we allow to come on to him, presents a potential future of unlimited sex and happiness to him.  So remember the rules here - Plow the ground first, then plant your seed, and then watch him start to water it and make the temptation grow into full blown sin. We always come to them with these when he or she is at a very weak and vulnerable time in their life.  It's a "sure-FIRE" way to get your human to commit a mortal sin that will change his life forever!

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61.  And now a personal pat on the old back for your's truly, who has single-handedly changed the culture of the United States. I say this with great pride in my achievement, which came without any help at all from you incompetent boobs.  The annual war on Christmas was my great idea to make even the Christians ashamed to say HIS name.  Now, the December events of Hannukah, Christmas, New Year's Eve, Kwanzaa, and Pearl Harbor Day have all been homogenized into the very affectionate term "holidays," even though there is one and only one official government holiday in December, that occurring on 25 December.  OK, I was just kidding about the Pearl Harbor thing...Now, even the Christians are ashamed to mention "Christmas," which is an abbreviation for "Christ's Mass".  Now great new blasphemous Holiday movies come out like the Harold and Kumar Christmas one, or Bad Santa. Now, a theme park even has a theme for December called "Grinchmas." HAHAHAHA ! Don't you just love it how I've turned what used to be a sacred time of the year into a shopping spree and family get-togethers that leave HIM out of the picture all together?  I do!  Now we have Holiday Trees, and with our buddies the liberal and tolerant politicians leading the way, soon December will be nothing more than the old Winter Solstice holiday, which the public schools already celebrate with their "winter Holiday."  The Druids would be so proud of them if they weren't already burning up down here. No, the people that are ashamed to mention his name for fear of offending the tender sensibilities of other religions or atheists are in for a rude awakening come their judgment. We even have HIS word on it!

Matthew 10:32-33:  "So every one who acknowledges me before men, I also will acknowledge before my Father who is in heaven;  but whoever denies me before men, I also will deny before my Father who is in heaven."

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62. Our latest ploy to destroy HIS Church is by using health care as a wedge to divide and conquer from within.  This is soooo great!  We have lulled most priests to sleep on the contraceptive issue. Ever notice how many sermons from the pulpit are ever preached on this?  NONE !  No, old Paul VI was the Lone Ranger on this issue, and many priests and bishops, especially those in Winnipeg, totally disagreed with him on this issue, and they told many a couple to “let their conscience” be their guide regarding artificial birth control.  This was so easy for us, that I hate to take credit for it, but I will anyway.  We know that HE told his people in Genesis to “be fruitful and multiply,” not to “go forth and have a fun time” with HIS new toy of sex. But so many people in the world today think that that is what sex is for – a tingly, fun, orgasmic time, and to hell with the procreative aspects of it…literally!   And while these women were gobbling down these wonderful pills so that they could become sex objects for the male of the species, little did they know that their chances of breast cancer later on in life increased dramatically, and little did they suspect the “Zyklon  B – like” manufacturers of these poison pills were really ABORTIFACIENTS, which kill the embryo after it is fertilized, rather than preventing fertilization in the first place.  How are you gonna keep them down on the Pharma  if they knew that?  And now that our useful idiots are in charge of the government AND their health care now (what a great thing that is!  Two dictatorships for the price of one! ),  we can pull their strings to not only tax them to death, but to MAKE them pay for a hellish right that isn’t even in the Constitution – the right to kill your own baby in the womb!  So much for that enumerated “right to life!”  How easy these humans are manipulated by a grinning idiot who can read a teleprompter well.  Thanks to us, “choice” is a wonderful term when it comes to killing your baby in its mama’s womb, but a terrible thing when it comes to choosing your own health care benefits.  No, now WE will mandate to the humans and FORCE them to kill their own progeny, which is what we and our party on earth are all about…You gotta love it – No freedom in the name of freedom!  Let NO Freedom Ring!

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63.  One of the smartest things I personally came up with to screw over the straight and narrow people was the term “racist.”  Back in the 1960’s, during the civil rights struggle of the black Americans, we turned their horrible struggle for freedom into our good by emphasizing this beautiful word.  Anybody who said anything in any way that was negative against black people was immediately branded a racist, even if their comments only dealt with the behavior of black people, rather than with their skin color. The result of this is that our minions on earth who have dark skin now get a free pass for whatever they say and do, because to oppose them in any way is now seen as racist.  Of course, some white people do get a pass on this, if and only if they belong to a certain political party where the black people are in the majority.  This party recently had a Senator who was once a Grand Wizard in the Ku Klux Klan, from West Virginia, I believe, and no one cared anything about it because of his party pedigree. But if the other political party, you know, the party that actually freed the slaves, ever says anything remotely derogatory of a black person, then he or she is immediately branded a “racist,” which ruins their career forever.  The black “accusers” (I love that word!) also get rich (which we like, because camels don’t go through the eye of a needle very well) off of this term, as they, uh…blackmail…companies into giving them hush money if they don’t accuse them of racism in their hiring practices.  And we have given the accusers a mantle of respectability with the term “reverend” as well.  This is so funny, because their religion bears NO resemblance to anything remotely connected to HIM and HIS “good book.”  HE suffered in silence, while they shout their alleged suffering to the rooftop. HE was poor, while they get rich off of their alleged suffering.  HE loved everyone, while they love only those who love them.  So make saved-sure you incite your human to always play the race card, especially during election years. The truly dumb people, and there are a lot of those, will fall for this trap every time, and vote for our guy, simply because he is black…And then their country will be ours! One nation under satan, with captivity and license for all! 

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64.  One more thing before I sign off...We not only get to inflict pain in their lives because they invite us to do so by their sins, but we also get to test their faith if they are in HIS camp, like we did with our good buddy Job. Job did nothing wrong, but his faith was allowed to be tested by us, because HE allowed it.  HE really wants to know if in fact they do love HIM, or if they are just going through the motions and paying HIM lip service. When your human finally makes a commitment to join HIS side and starts saying the rosary, going to daily mass, helping the poor, etc., we are thus allowed to throw roadblocks in his way to see if he is really sincere in his faith. HE warned them about this situation in the parable of the sower and the seed in Matthew 13, I believe.  A lot of them will just quit, because we can make them actually think that it was much better for them before trying to become saintly.  Job's wife even told him to curse HIM and die!  Too bad he kept trusting in HIM as his loving father.  If they only knew that every time they resist us and choose HIM, they get renewed strength from HIM in the form of grace.  And just like a tree's roots dig deeper looking for water in the midst of a drought, those followers of HIM who look inside themselves for intestinal fortitude to resist us during our time of temptations will find HIS water, or additional grace.  Then, when we are done with our temptations, they will grow stronger even faster, just like that tree does when the rain finally comes, because they now have additional capacity (deeper roots) to love HIM that they didn't have before.  They also don't realize that none of the saints lived a comfortable life. Rather, most of the saints lived austere and hard lives, and a lot were martyred horribly at the end, and all for the sake of being rewarded after they die. Implant in their minds that once they decide to become a REAL Catholic, that things should get easier in their lives, not harder.  Make them think that being Catholic means being rewarded on earth, and heavenly rewards are secondary.  You know, like those health and wealth preachers do that you see on so many cable channels. Put into their heads that there are things that seem right to do, but, unbeknownst to them, in the end lead to perdition. HE warned them about such things in Proverbs 14:12, but no one ever reads that book anymore, thanks be to Me!  It is amusing to see them finally get into HIS game, and then quit on the 5 yard line when the going gets a little tough. 

All my hate, satan

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